Sunday, April 08, 2007

The Hard Measures

Finally the most awaited meeting of BCCI in the history of Indian cricket got over. The ever yawning “Sabse Tej Channels” in Indian media got something to talk about with the stalwarts of Indian cricket like Surinder Khanna and Amay Khurasia.

No player can endorse more than 3 brands/ products and no sponsors can take more than 2 players in their contract. The players can improve their mathematics to solve this permutation computation problem which might be helpful in their life after retirement as a scorer. This will not only provide them a post retirement job but also solve the problem of scorers being an extinct species. The significance of numbers has been kept secret. A quiz show will be organized and will be telecast by Zee Sports to solve this problem. The winner will get a chance to play 3 ODIs and a test match.

Venketesh Prasad has been appointed as a bowling coach. He was one of the fastest and greatest fast bowlers India has ever produced. His guile was so very commendable that once even Anil Kumble was advised to take a leaf out of Prasad’s book and bowl slower.

The old power house exported from Caribbean, Robin Singh has been appointed as a fielding coach. He holds the world record of vomiting most number of times on a cricket ground. Prasad and Robin Singh worked really well in a team in their playing days. Robin Singh used to vomit on the danger zone on a pitch so that Prasad could utilize the wet pitch for his express fast bowling.

Ravi Shastri has been appointed as the coach or the manager of the team. He is a great strategist. He was often criticized for his soporific batting in all forms of the game. Hence, he invented the term “seat anchor”. He is such a solid batsman that even if he goes half way down the track, he is still able to drop dead the ball then and there. Bowlers’ fraternity has always loved him. Only once in his life he batted ruthlessly (hitting 6 sixes in over) and spent rest of his life apologetically making it up for that ruthlessness.

His real role will be one of these two or may be three (Coach/ Manager / Both) and decided based on an opinion poll to be hosted by Zee TV. Wasim Akram seems to be the biggest beneficiary of this move because now he is the only batsman left to play the role of night watchman on Shaz & Waz show.

With increasing numbers of cricket commitments, board wants to prepare a pool of 25 - 30 players and give a chance to everyone. We hardly manage to hang on to 15 decent players to play international cricket. Where will we get the rest of the players? BCCI might organize a talent hunt, again hosted by Zee TV. Ravi Shastri will be given the responsibility to get Mandira Bedi (as the Show Host) from SET MAX to Zee TV. After all, we have to bring the cup home because it has always been with us.

5 comments:

Spiff said...

this is more like it

Prem said...

okay, hollow changes may be.
What should be the changes according to you? (a long term strategy)

Ruchi said...

Who do you think should have been in these guys place?
Should jadeja be taken as fielding coach? Are you too in favour of the team having an indian coach?

Dupa Jasia said...

Well, what's he good for? Well, Smiley says, easy and careless, he's good enough for coumadin one thing, I should judge--he can outjump any frog in Calaveras county.. The Colonel recovered his amaryl politeness.. It is not an easy matter to give here a complete interpretation of the prevacid dream.. Other constellations for the dream formation would result if the foreconscious tylenol train of thought had from the beginning been connected with the unconscious wish, and for that reason met with rejection by the dominating end-occupation; or if an unconscious wish were made active for other--possibly somatic--reasons and of its own accord sought a transference to the psychic remnants not occupied by the Forec.. But, of prozac course, she sternly refused...

japs said...

Hey, I am bored shit of over-analysed but under-utilized sports in india. Write on something moer interesting yaar !