Tuesday, November 27, 2007

A Diversified Unity

We have unity in diversity. This is one statement I have heard right from the day I realized I could hear. Being over 7 Olympics old and having stayed in 7-8 states, I often tend to get confused if its unity in diversity or a diversified unity i.e. several united groups. Apart from regular divisions of religion and caste, these groups could be traced back to their peculiar and specific traits as well. I have experienced a few since my child hood which was not very long ago if still not continuing.

Bongs: They are one of the most well read creature of all. But excess of everything is bad and you realize it sooner or later with them. A typical bong male would have been a cannibal if the world was all water, follows football (or soccer or whatever you call it) as if it is his bread earning, would support Dada to be in the team till he is 45, will talk so much that you would put your hearing capacity to test and be the first to form a union and support a strike. In politics, they are an expert in making failed alliances. A typical bong female, I love them all.

Mumbaikar: A typical mumbaikar is extremely proud of Mumbai, would support Tendulkar to be in the side till he is 46, would go to any extent to prove that Ajit Agarkar is the best fast bowler India has and will ever produce, would be running even if he is in his sleep as if he has to catch a Virar Local and come up with a typical crib when confronted with the issue of pathetic state of the city – “You people come from outside and spoil the city”.

Southy: A survey has suggested that an average South Indian spends around 32.18% of his life time in pronouncing his name, his name contains 96.45% of the alphabets and 86.3% of the times it contains all the alphabets. For them 35% of a typical meal is water, 45% is rice and rest is rice. From fingers to elbow, 78% of right hand and 67% of left is involved while eating. Average BMI index for them is 32; he generally doesn’t get bald and even if he does, no. of hair per sq. inch of body remains almost same by compensating at other places.

Bihari: This is the most determined breed I have ever seen. They are generally very cool and calm but when they loose temper, they make sure the other party gains the composure ASAP. The biggest weapon for them in any altercation is the letting the other person know that they are from Bihar. Generally altercation stops there. Politics - every Bihari is a born politician.

Punjabi: They possess the best business acumen; love the language full of motherhood and sisterhood and, if from Delhi, their opening sentence would be “I am from Delhi.”

Bhaiyye: The “good for nothing” breed. Yet they feel as if they were born to rule this planet. Being from UP, they follow the golden rule – it’s not the winner who always rules, sometimes it’s a loser’s job. Hence they always emulate mediocrity and try their best to hide in heap and hurt in mob.

Marwari: The most money minded species as stated in the example below -

Me: Do you know, there was a live bomb caught in our company today?
Marwari: Shit!!! Our stocks will go down tomorrow.

The above description is entirely based on my experiences and is not intended to hurt any group, cast, religion, region etc. etc. You may agree with it, or may not. In any case, suit yourself.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

I Regret!!!

“Regret is an intelligent (and/or emotional) dislike for personal past acts and behaviors. Regret is often felt when someone feels sadness, shame, or guilt after committing an action or actions that the person later wishes that he or she had not done.”

That is what wikipedia has to say about the word regret. It’s a well known and recognized site hence the definition has to be true. Although, like all other claimants of optimism, I claim to have none but nothing is perfect so is my optimism. I have had a few

I have never got a promotion from any of my employers.

- May be because I have never given them a chance. My 3 stints have been 20 months, 9 months and 19 months long. I had put my papers even before they could realize my worth. Not sure if their realization was at snail’s place or my worth was shining at a lower light. I hope for my current employer to read this post.

I have never been able to negotiate on my salary front with HR.

- Somehow HR guys always convince me that they are offering me an amount which is more than my worth and I would be overpaid. What they have never known is that I know the art of being under worked also.

Even though I claim to be an ardent cricket fan, I have never seen a cricket match in a cricket stadium.

- Only time I was/have bought a ticket was when I was 9 years old. After reaching the stadium with my dad and his friends, we realized that the ticket we bought was a fake one and valid ticket holders had already filled the stadium over and above its capacity. My curses worked and India was bundled for 96 while chasing a target of 196 against spineless SL. Only consolation was, news papers reporting our tickets as the valid tickets on the very next day.

I have never climbed the stairs of a stage to take any kind of an award.

- I have been a pathetic scholar. In fact some of my engineering batch mates would strongly object for using the word “Scholar” in the previous sentence. For them, pathetic is enough. Only time I was called upon to a stage with some respect was during my convocation when we were awarded the proof of successful completion of our studies – the degrees.

I have always been the first one to leave a party after the drinks started.

- I have a terrible capacity to drink and been always the first one to get drunk. But then, its cheap when you are not sharing the entire bill equally else you help others being a little over budget and not get under drunk.

And there have been a few more which either I am not able to recall or not courageous to post here.

Monday, November 19, 2007


It was a decision pending for long. And action on it was pending for even longer. But finally I did it today. I bought my first stock.

I have had a few dreams in my life which have always been mesmerizing, abstruse and unattainable for me – English, women and stocks. English is still a distant dream, women – I am married now but stocks, I bought my first one today. The long pending order has been executed but where has the market gone? By the time I decided to open a DEMAT account it was threatening to cross 14k. The time I got my form it was 16k. It had crossed 18k before I could fill it up and before I could receive the necessary documents from my bank it was 19k. Not to mention, 19k was not a movement forward from 18k but backward from 20k. It used to take years to move 800 points earlier, now it happens in a single day.

Only time I had read a market related news seriously was when ET printed its headlines as “Sachin 9k, Sensex 6k” in 2003-04. Obviously my interest was more in the bigger number then.

Since I had never followed it, I either had to follow my guts or someone else’s. As always, I preferred the latter. I pinged one of my friends who has taken the full advantage of Sensex’s skyscraping in the last few months. He asked me to have a look at some stocks on one of the websites. And like a typical middle class mentality of seeing the rates on the menu card instead of the dishes or seeing the price tag on clothing items in a showroom instead of cloth itself, cheaper the stock better it was looking to me. God knows when that day would come in my life when I will buy my drinks without looking at its cost or buy a shirt without asking for its price.

Finally we decided on a stock. I executed the buy order for it only to realize that it had missed a small “Comm.” In the companies name and bought a wrong stock. Bloody hell, why do they cannot find names which sound as different as I and you do. The stock is already dealing at its highest price. The loss is almost certain. It was as if I am no balled right on the first ball in my debut, the umpire has signaled for the free hit and now I am thinking of how to minimize the loss. May be there is a run out on free hit but there hasn’t been any till now. GOSH!!! I almost always rely on others guts; I should use their hands too.

It’s a strange game. As a retail and tiny investor, you do all the analysis and networking to justify your calls. Deep down inside you know that it’s all about hoping for things to fall in place and assume that place to be yours. Its like being the 12th man, you know you are not playing but expect to make some contribution as a substitute and hope for some glory to come your way. But that is just my feelings. People feel differently and that difference makes stock market run.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


There are few sites I religiously browse whenever I log into my system at work; Gmail, Orkut and Cricinfo for my own interests and MoneyControl, Company Websites to derive some interest in work.

And I was thrilled to see the Cricinfo headline today (http://content-ind.cricinfo.com/india/content/current/story/319671.html) which shows Greg Chappell complaining of racial abuse in India. I loved this piece of news.

First of all, the disclaimer - I am not a racist to the core though some amount of it I enjoy as almost everyone does; they may not accept it though. It’s just the sadist human nature, nothing else.

I just don’t want to argue on the authenticity of the news though with a little bit of alacrity about the circumstances and information about the incident would do a litmus test and you would know the truth of fire in the smoke.

For ages our complaint about racism by the white cricket nations and it has gone unheard. When we complained, we were not competitive enough or mentally disintegrated. Be it Sudhir Nayak’s debacle or Michael Slater pointing finger towards the umpire Venkatraghwan & batsman Rahul Dravid or a match referee banning the entire cricket team. Be it Sunil Gavaskar’s Lords fiasco in 1990 or Australians refusing to play in SL in 1996 WC. When we complained, it was their superiority and our inferiority but not racism.

But now, Chapell complains of racism. So does Andrew Symonds. And I hope there are more to follow. Are the tables hinting a turn?

Its simple, cricket may be alive because it’s popular in few countries but its kicking just because of its popularity that too mainly in India. So the turn must happen. I simply loved it when India showed its middle finger to the Mike Dennis’s decision in SA and played their full team in the next match. It doesn’t matter if the match was discounted later. But at least BCCI showed the intent. They should do exactly the same now. Its BCCI who should call the shots these days, not them. To add, I would love to have more allegations of racism like this.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Happy Children's Day!!!

The piece of text scribbled below is an innocent attempt to satire our political system and not to defame any one. In case it hurts, suit yourself. In case the hurt is painful enough to drive you towards me, I apologize.

On the eve of children’s day let me wish you all a very happy children’s day. Not to miss the cliché, it falls exactly nine months after the Valentine’s Day.

Another man shares his birthday with this day and he was a children’s man in true sense. If no one, at least he made sure that his & only his own children and their children would be the biggest beneficiaries of India’s hard earned independence. After all how many Boses, Patels, Shastris in current political scenarios could be traced back to the greats of pre-47 era?

It was not a selfish act by any means. If all fathers ensure their children’s future the way he did, our country would be full of worthy (???) leaders. He did what an almost perfect leader should do, show the way to his followers. He also did what a perfect father should do; infuse the belief in those followers that it’s only his predecessor who can walk on the path shown. Result, he and his predecessors have ruled us for the majority of the post independence era and are still ruling us, directly or indirectly. To add to that, we are waiting for a 40 year old “youth” to turn old enough to rule us.

India might have named a different name to be its father, but the real father celebrates its birthday tomorrow. A father’s first duty is towards his own children and his performance on this front was immaculate. May be that’s why we celebrate children’s day tomorrow. I am not sure if it’s a tribute to his dutifulness or an obituary to our foolishness.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007


Stupidity and intellectual stimulation are two sides of the same coin. It all depends on what side of the coin you are facing. I though of a question ,which according to me was stupid but it brought out the intellect from some and unprintable from rest.

What would you do if you come to know that everything around you is unreal and you are living in a masquerade?

  • I would be happy because if what I am living in is a real world, I am not happy with it.

  • I’ll be perplexed and there be will a certain degree of fear in me but I’ll get used to it after a span of time and then the fake world will look real to me

  • :(

  • I told u so the whole universe was designed to play a role against me

  • I don’t think I will do anything different.

  • I know that already. koi nayee bat nahin lagegi.......ye duniya utpataanga

  • I will go see how good the masquerades are.

  • Have an apple. It will keep the doctor away.

  • aisa kya hua?

  • I will run away.

  • Kat Sale.

The last answer would have been mine with a little censorship. For my own safety, I have removed the names responsible for the responses.

Friday, November 02, 2007


“Every third person in the world lacks a toilet” is what the DNA, one of the self proclaimed leading news paper says. (Please refer to http://www.dnaindia.com/report.asp?newsid=1131167”.

This is a shocking statistics and reveals the scarcity of one of the most neglected basic necessities for the mankind. If you are reading this from the comfort of your cubicle or living room, run and secure a more demanded seat and be that second person rather than being the third one. The first, your truly, has already occupied the seat, making the literal use of his laptop and writing this shit and about it.

I have always wondered how the necessity for the call centers to reply nature’s call has always been so neglected. But we human are ungrateful enough to neglect nature as a whole, why to care for its calls?

WHO is an organization which is supposed to take care about our health. It spends billions on it or claims to be. UNO spends billions for the intake of deprived races. But what about the waste output? I have never heard of any concerns for this?

I studies about some of the basic rights of humans on net. But nowhere, I repeat, no where I could find the mention of a 6 letter word, toilet. This negligence causes one of the biggest threats to societal health and peach – constipation. Think about one of those many mornings when you were deprived off a nice, gentle and a successful release. I am sure on that day; pollution index would have been a few notch higher courtesy to sound and air pollution. It has a cascading effect. You feel deprived and people around you face the wrath.

Shitting, is just not a routine job, it’s an art, a piece of engineering which might push you to think, test your tolerance and body control at time, makes you feel the importance of “giving” and let you hurt the people you don’t like without being charged. It gives you an unseen weapon to get a seat in a crowded compartment or finish off a boring meeting within minutes of its use.

It teaches you a lot of lessons. In our office, the flush attached to the seat doesn’t work properly. If the discharge is solid, because of its volume and buoyancy force, it refuses to sink in and pops up no matter how hard you try. What do you do? Do what Queen did for ages. Divide and rule. Break it into several small parts and then try. It disappears. I checked with most of my office colleagues and all of them apply the same methodology. Not only that, one of my friends in some other organization was facing the same problem and sorted out this very way. Doesn’t it show that all humans think equally? Just that some are more equal among them.