Thursday, March 06, 2008

Breaking News!!!

We did it. We slapped the two of world’s best teams like a monkey does in this video and emerged victorious. Two things here – first, even if you are forced to visit this page because you just do not want to be too rude to the author, please see the video. It is worth watching. Second – I am not a racist, I am just trying to draw an analogy between the video and the circumstances. This even is the best to have happened after Supreme Court finally recognized the innocence of MunnaBhai – the gandhigiri expert by letting him go off on bail. I don’t claim this but in case you are a religious follower of Indian news channel, you will agree. They celebrated like they ever do. Every picture was exclusive to a particular channel although you could find the same on the other channel – some concurrent, some not. If they could not reach the players, they reached their family. If they could not reach the family, they reached those who claimed to be the family. It was the most stupendous example of investigative journalism. They caught everyone who had happened to touch the life cycle of any player – be it their coaches, their closest family members, their farthest family members, friends with whom they played, friends with whom they studied, friends with whom they watched the porn for first time and the list goes on. You would not have seen so many different versions of breaking news on a single day.

No, no. They are not being racist by calling Andrew Symonds what you are reading on screen. It’s the Kirti Aazad they are referring to as Aadi Manav, and that is why he is blushing. The best line – “Kahte hain nange se to bhagwaan bhi darta hai par Andrew Symonds is nange se bhi nahi dare”.

Come one. Do not laugh. Indian mothers generally slap their sons when they come back home. Hence this incident shows the how beating the world champions has brought us back to our traditions. May be it has something to do with the reminiscence of the ancient men at Australian soil.

As if it were his neighbors who were to welcome Praveen Kumar in regular course of events.

Yeah, she did dance in joy. And we saw it live, whole day. We also came to know about the recipes of Motichoor Laddo, Poori, Malpua from her mother during broadcast.

Na,na. It’s really breaking news. Do not laugh if you are a resident of a city which is spoilt by emigrants from underprivileged states. We hardly get power and to get it for more than 6 hours (we saw the lightened house for at least 6 hours) for such a big house (we even saw the toilets, it was Indian style), this does qualify for the breaking news.

I apologize for the poor quality of the picture. My cell phone is not very good at taking pictures and I was too lazy to get my camera. Let me read it out – “Team india ke 12 kunware, Raj tilak ke baad rajkumari ki bari”. If you are wife hunting and trying to figure out how to go about it, it was a must see for you. Dhoni needs a tall wife because he himself is 5’11”, she should be fair because Dhoni is not, since he goes around the world, wife must be convent educated. Yuvraj wants (at least that is what the channel claimed) a simple wife because he has had enough of T20s with models. If you have such a girl in mind, please sms to 52222.

Praveen Kumar wants a girl like her mother that was what the half an hour long interview said. Ishant Sharma should also get married ASAP. Did anyone say child marriage is banned in India? Well, channel requested its viewers to send a sms to 53333 in support of marriage age for men in India to be shifted down to 18.

As sensational as – “We played very well in Australia”.

What is Suniel Shetty doing on a show that is discussing if we are ready to be the best cricket playing nation? Don’t you remember Matthew Hayden invited Ishant Sharma in boxing ring? Or how Symonds shoulder barged the man who now holds the world record of his Arse’s picture getting blurred/blacked for most number of times? Cricket is no longer just about cricketing skills. You should also know the self defense. And who better than Suniel Shetty, the black belt, to tell you about this. Unfortunately he was more interested in talking about his hotels and how they were ready to be used for IPL.

There were many more like every channel claiming to be the only to channel to arrange a live phone-chat between Rohit Sharma and his mother or interview of the chef in Hotel Intercontinental where team stayed in delhi but I felt sleep. But after so much of hoopla, I just want to ask – is it worth? After all we have just won a tri series. I agree it’s against the best team in the world but do we rate ourselves so low that it was so much unexpected that the success has made everyone go that crazy. Or may be its pre publicity for IPL.

Do not blame the news channels. They are my favorites. But even this time they failed to break the record – to beat the best breaking news till date.


Spiff said...

Best post ever..

and with evidence

Uptown Girl said...

Very cool... although... why were you watching the news?? I am guessing to catch some highlights u missed while at work?? The breaking news jokes were an add-on?

Sachin Gulhane said...

!00 % agree with you .. we should stop celebrating like world champion.. but secretley I like watching some of funny news about good things Indian cricket ... (not something which we can assure of -:))

LoonyTalk said...

Such news programs justify why TV is still the undisputed 'idiot-box'! :D