Friday, August 08, 2008

Life!!!

Don't take life too seriously; you'll never get out of it alive – said Elbert Hubbard and how rightly so. I am not sure about you but taking a few things in life too seriously may make others life miserable.

Like some jobless soul in 17th century saw an apple falling somewhere and claimed to derive several theories which much must have given pains to you in school-college days. If an apple fell down, it fell down. What is the need to make so much fuss about it? One thing I have never understood about Isaac Newton. Considering he was a human, nature must have called him thousands of times in his life. The output must have fallen down, always. He never thought about gravity and all that shit when he was shitting considering it’s a proven fact that toilets are the labs where most innovative of ideas are generated. Then why not in a toilet but under a tree he got this terrible idea. Or may be he was shitting under the tree when apple fell down.

Like some terrible kid saw water boiling in a kettle. He devised steam engine; everyone came to know that one can have a vehicle running faster than bullock carts, several refinements were made to his invention and Ratan Tata launched Tata Nano. This caused oil crisis and world has gone into deep recession. I wish that kid had put his face inside the kettle to see if boiling water is cold inside the kettle or if it’s the steam trying to put away the top or it’s a genie inside it. That’s why parents should be encouraging their kids to spend more time in playground or bedrooms than in kitchen. Had his parents done so, world would not have had this terrible crisis.

Some idiots took all those crappy financial models too seriously and invented even more crappy ones. They derived a methodology of multiplying their money which they had lent to someone and called it structuring loans. It was a story of - I have a plate which can accommodate lot of shit, you give me some money and take it home to collect the shit. Shit is valuable because its queen’s shit. Strangely people successfully kept selling it. Even more strangely, people kept buying it also. When queen turned out to be constipated, they called it sub prime crisis. Not tell me something, some NINJA (no income, no job) buys a beautiful mansion in NY on home loan, buys beauties from Vegas on personal loan, and buys rest of the luxuries on his credit cards. When its time to pay back he simply puts his hands up, his pants are already down. US government pays him some wages, fed feeds him with USD 600 to get out of trouble. He, in order to intelligently invest money, asks Dr. Mark Faber who responds.

The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer it will go to India. If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany. If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US. I’ve been doing my part.

Fun continues for him. Who pays - it’s me whose annual bonus gets halved in the name of global recession. Only if those investment bankers were a little less serious about magical wealth creation, I could have expected some serious monetary returns next year. I am sure all of them were constipated as if they were not, toilet ideas never let you or anyone else down.

2 comments:

Spiff said...

Hmm...you understand na...he was trying to be funny..and he succeeded and i uinderstand that you are trying to be funny but u failed.

Plus the only thing that saves your excessive references to 'shit' in your blogposts from being irritating are the aptness of the term to the geneirc quality

Spiff said...

one thing for sure...you are a good sport..accepting all my criticism