Sunday, October 05, 2008


When I met the producers of this film because of my work and they explained to me their philosophy of their movie selection, I was deeply impressed. Each time I was told the same parameters to select a movie to produce in same order and description containing same words, I knew it was their belief in their philosophy which brought the consistency and surely not the oration of a well rehearsed management presentation.

Rarely one gets to see a movie which touches on sensitive social issue with such brilliance. My apologies if there are any spoilers in this post.

Movie starts with the heroine Nemonia dancing around the beaches somewhere in Dadar east and trying her best to hide her cleavage. She has a fetish for bathing hence was named Nemonia (Pneumonia) as she looks to be suffering from it all the time. She is soon forced a curfew by her mom Mallika who has to try harder to conceal her cleavage. There seem to be some generational rivalry about who can hide lesser of their cleavages between mother and daughter. Mallika looks like winning the contest in both – what was showed and what was hidden.

Forced by her fetish to bathe, Nemonia goes swimming in the sea and wakes up only to find her in a room with hero/villain/character artist/god knows what named Veerya Karma.   

Vikral Haina is a successful industrialist who is known for his kind heartedness, varied interests in life insulted under section 377 of IPC. He is told that his daughter is kidnapped and it will need some crossword solving to get her back.

Meanwhile, Nemonia starts proving to be a headache for her kidnapper because of her consistent demands to take bath. Given an opportunity, she gets into her chaddhi-baniyaan and jumps into whatever water body she finds. After several requests from Veerya, she agrees to stop this bathing business only if she is told the story behind her kidnapping. This takes a thrilling turn in the movie which sweeps everyone off the ground.

Few years back Vikral had forced Veerya to sleep with him and both were caught. Since homosexuality is a crime in India, both get caught but Vikral manages to go scot-free using his power to seduce the police officer arresting him. Veerya goes to jail for ten twelve years or so. Now, Veerya wants Vikral to marry him as he is already divorced. Just that gay marriages need to be legalized in India and a minister is working towards it. But with so much of cleavage show which could have turned A K Hangal into Mark Zuber, Veerya starts finding changes in his likings too. Just when one thinks Veerya would run away with Nemonia and movie would end in the most predictable way, Mallika steps in and sacrifices. She can neither let her daughter marry a criminal nor can she see her ex-husband marrying a man with 6 packs. Hence she presents herself. Veerya, who has turned straight, acts like a typical man. He chooses the babe with bigger boobs and marries Mallika.

All the departments have done wonderfully well. Director deserves all the praises for the much hyped new look of Sanjay Dutt’s new look whose best quality is – it looks exactly like his older looks. Vidya Malvade and Minissha Lamba have done full justice to their roles of showcasing cleavage and hidden talent (primarily in undergarments). Reema Lagoo is the only person in the movie (including males, females and the rest) who has her top completely covered.

Imran Khan has again showed his potential as an actor so much so that when he claims to be a kidnapper and Minissha Lamba responds saying – “Are you kidding me?”, you cannot help but agree with me. Sanjay Dutt has looked well as a father, of both Minissha Lamba and Vidya Malvade.

Standard Disclaimer - Okay, I won’t give any disclaimers this time. Go watch Kidnap before you cast any aspersions at me; you might join me after seeing the movie. 

If you happen to see the movie, please do tell me - which story is better, the one written here or the one shown in the movie. The one here is my copyright, hence dont copy it.           


LoonyTalk said...

"Sanjay Dutt has looked well as a father, of both Minissha Lamba and Vidya Malvade." - Priceless! :)
And yeah, your story could have sounded better if one of the male leads was Karan Johar... :P

Dreamer said...

minissha lamba maal hai be.....uske baare mein faaltu mat bol