Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Lunatic ‘loo’nism!!!

Warning – If you belong to sophisticated strata who loves to read Ayn Rand and have never heard about Surendra Mohan Pathak, who would smile with adulation when hurled with expletives in queen’s language but frown with absolute contempt if same translated in your mother tongue, who prefers Russel Peters over Raju Srivastava, who have memorised entire series of ‘Friends’ but have not heard of Raja aur Rancho or think Slumdog Millionaire was a truly Oscar deserving movie but think of Gunda as a terrible D class movie, there is an X button for you at the top right corner of this page.


In case you do not have an aversion for toilet humour and inside the toilet you are a little observant rather than being totally rampant, here are a few emotional commotions you may face –



A big let down


You enter the loo expecting a big off take but all you manage is just a small fart.  Ah, may be that is why it is named so - all you get in the end after so much of hope is - a fart.

But to go deeper, it’s not the fart but hope that lets you to disappointment. Now when AIG has started farting again in billions, I wonder who should be blamed for HOPE.


A goof up


You get a call in the loo from a job consultant. Since you are in a place where you thought process is at its best, you discuss the profile at length. The moment you come out you see your boss washing his hands in the wash basin and he was sitting in the next toilet.

Well, so what? Change is the law of nature and all you were doing was replying to nature’s call.


A lucky day


You are suffering from lose motions of so extreme severity that output can actually be measured in litres. And as soon as you are done, you realize that there is no water in the flush tank.

Well, you get away from getting embarrassed by the next entrant in the same loo. Since you would need to rush back pretty soon, you may well get a chance to embarrass the same entrant. And if he happens to be your boss, call it a lottery or may be a loo-ttery.


A pressure day


First thing you do in the office is to have a cup of coffee and the second – to rush to loo. Coffee makes your system more efficient or for semantically challenged in toilet terminology, you get better pressure. One day, you boss calls you up for an urgent meeting as soon as you are done with the coffee. It’s really urgent – the meeting I mean.

That very day you would realize that you are working in a real high pressure work atmosphere.


A slippery day


You have a pronunciation problem and sometimes by mistake pronounce sh in place of s (quite common in my some parts of the country). This means you sometimes pronounce sit as shit. You have some pending work in office with you beautiful female colleague. You go to her and say “Come, let’s shit for some time and clear the garbage”. Obviously you meant sit after all no one wants any kind of company for doing what you actually said.

Learn some synonyms for shitting….err I mean sitting.


That all for today, rest will follow. I want to save some extra time after my coffee in office tomorrow hence I would rather doze off.  



 Image courtesy: serious comedy


Sachin Gulhane said...

I know you can write millions of pages (or web pages) for your fav topic....Good one ... but amid loads of issue like elections , bomb blast , cricket what makes u to write this piece of sh** ... Does SDM reference came coz of Amitabh bacchan wala shot in movie... just trying to put co-relation :-)

Spiff said...

Well..it is ur fav topic..so..carry on..but as SG says..think abt something else man

Dreamer said...

i think u r obsessed with loo and sh*t. Somehow I feel u have faced many stomach upsets or ur digestive system has been upset since u r born. I can understand, you have faced many embarrassments and hardships becoz of this. Poor baby.

Yayaver said...

The post was ok but warning before reading was superb.The warning reminds that some people in our society prefer eliteness by choosing foreign brand despite having better avalaible desi maal.Vibhash Sir,u r really a man from grass root.