Friday, June 05, 2009

Onions!!!



One good part of Mumbai locals is that you keep bumping into same set of strangers and follow up with their regular talks to get a peek-a-boo into their lives. Here is an excerpt of this conversation between these two gentlemen  who I had bumped into few months ago
A: Hey, how are you?
B: I am fine.

A: So how is the courtship period going?
B: Well, we broke up.
A: What? How?
B: Leave it Yaar. You tell me, how is life?

A: It’s terrible.
B: Why what happened?

A: Office.
B: Lay offs?
A: No Yaar, it’s the boss.
B: What happened to him?

A: It’s not him, it’s her.
B: Wow, you have a female boss?
A: Idiot, its not wow. It’s Bachao.
B: Oh, common. All females are soft hearted.

A: Its not heart but mind.
B: Hmmm…
A: May be some of them believe what Shekhar Kapoor said Seema Biswas believed in Bandit Queen.
B: What?

A: Revenge was her only desire.
B: Revenge? From?
A: We men.
B: Oh, come’ on.

A: Well….
B: Dude. This is too much venom inside. Spit it out. Rather puke it out.
A: Leave it.
B: No. Tell me.

A: You didn’t tell me your break up story. 
B: Okay, I will tell you after that.
A: Okay. Lets as assume I am her and you are me.
B: Okay.

A: Let’s assume that your assignment is to buy onions and deliver to office. Now keep answering my questions.
B: Okay.
         A: Did you get the onions.
         B: Yes.
A: Are you sure they are onions?
B: Yes they are.
A: Are they pink in colour?
B: Yes.
A: Can you peal them off?
B: Yes I can.
A: Did you peal some of them to see if these are really onions and someone has not wrapped around the normal onions cover over a stone?
B:  Well, may be I did.
A: You pealed off the onions?
B: Well, I did it a bit?
A: A bit is not enough to know if they are really onions.
B: Well….
A: How many did you peal off?
B: Just one.
A: How many onions are there?
B: I don’t know…
A: You bought the onions and don’t even know the count?
B: Well they are sold in from of Kilograms.
A: Still, you should have counted. If there are stones inside, it means they would be heavier. So you would get lesser onions per KG. Assuming they are all stones, actual onion covering would be even lesser.
B: But….
A: As the percentage of stones or fake onions decrease in the heap, onions covering per onion increase. So the risk of getting duped decreases.
B: But these are all onions.
A: How do you know? You have pealed off just one onion that too a bit.
B: But this type of looting is highly unlikely.
A: How do you know? When did you start buying onions?
B: Few years back.
A: I have spent my childhood in onion market.
B: But this would be height of cheating.
A: Believe me, you don’t how high is high. You are a small man anyhow.
B: Okay, I will go return the onions.
A: From where did buy the onions?
B: Pyaz Market.
A: Who sold it to you?
B: Some vendor.
A: Obviously you won’t buy it from a machine. What was his name?
B: I didn’t ask.
A: What, you didn’t even care to ask his name? What if he is a drug peddler? What if someone has taken your photo when you were buying from him?
B: I didn’t see anyone with camera there.
A: What if someone was doing a sting operation? Police might come and catch you and this organization would get a bad name. Have you taken an anticipatory bail.
B: What?
A: You just dealt with a drug peddler, someone has visual proof of you dealing with him, police is after you and you haven’t even taken an anticipatory bail?
B: But these are onions.
A: You don’t even know if these are onions. You haven’t even checked them. Go do it.
B: Okay.
A: Make sure you peal off each and every layer. Use fingers. Don’t bite and peal it off. If it’s a stone, put it in separate basket. If it’s an onion, put it in a separate basket. Do take the weight of onion covering over the stones and see what the covering/stone ratio is. And don’t forget to talk to a lawyer to get the anticipatory bail. May be you would like to read certain acts of IPC.
B: Okay.
A: So will you do it?
B: Yes.
A: I still see you sitting.
B: Okay, I am going.

Half an hour later…..

B: I checked it. They are all onions.
A: What else you expect from an onion shop? Onions, right.
B: But you….
A: I asked you to get some Potato’s. Where are they?
B: But onions….
A: No one cares about onions. Forget it.
B: Dude, now please don’t start criminal investigation for Potato buying and ask me to file a petition in supreme court to let onion vendors wrap potato’s in onion covering and sell.

A: Well, I have been asked to do exactly the same.
B: I thought of envying you. But now I pity you.
A: Well…BTW now your turn to puke it out.
B: Well it goes like this…………. (To be continued)
Standard Disclaimer: I overheard something quite close to this conversation and try to cook up some parts. Resemblance to any living or dead is not intentional at all. I have very high regards for other side of sexual divide. These thoughts about them are of those two gentlemen. 

2 comments:

Spiff said...

i look for a funny post and u serve me onions!!

Sachin Gulhane said...

Too good .. except the onion picture ... some folks might have dropped idea of reading it coz of this .. Lovely creativity... but at same time it reflects your thinking about other side of sexual divides... itane bhi bure nahi hai o .. :-)