Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Return he does!!!

Like phoenix rises from the ashes, like Dev Anand keeps returning as a protagonist singing songs with an actress seven decades younger than him, like Rakhi Sawant keeps returning to the breaking news with never imagined acts, he returns. Appam returns.

So what is the big deal? Like exhibition of freedom in our democracy (like recent acts in Maharashtra assembly) did so, everyone does get a chance to make a comeback.

But Appam’s is a bigger one. Comeback I mean.


Because when everyone thought his dancing skills will be to impress the likes of Karishma Kapoor instead of the likes of Ande Nel, he makes a comeback.

Because when everyone thought he would be appealing against a faulty air conditioner and would never get a chance to put his legs wide apart, keep his hands parallel to the ground, open his mouth as if the finger which was supposed to get out has got stuck deep inside and try to touch the ground by his hips against smiling face of Steve Bucknor, he makes a comeback.

Because when everyone thought that people will forget the slap which echoed more than Rana Vishwa Pratap Singh’s slap on Dr. Dang’s cheek after the latest slap in the country where a famous actress’ father-in-law got slapped, he makes a comeback. BTW, if father-in-law reads this piece of news, I am not sure what will hurt more, the slap or the news title.

And thank God he is back.

For ages Indians have been suffering at the hands of match referees. With his ability to be called by the referees at the rate of a visit every drinks break, Appam’s charm might make at least one of the referees fall for him which is one nemesis lesser. Afterall this is how arrange-marriages work, isn’t it? 15 years of seeing each other day in day out, two people finally fall in love.

We need to get rid of a particular spinner ASAP. He has been in the side for his match winning perfromaces which happen once in 12 months. Let’s hope Appam makes the sacrifice by offering him his other cheek for the greater good of country and the spinner is slapped out forever.

With due respect to the Sangas, the Mahelas, the Muralis - I have always found Sri Lanka as one of the most boring test playing nations. May be it’s because of their “once you get 550 and declare, we will bat till your bowler start bowling to fine leg” brand of cricket in 90s. With the expectation being along the same lines for the test series, Appam will be our only hope. So what if he may not make it to top 11 – even as a drinks boy he can entertain us. Imagine him doing a moonwalk when he is asked to rush to the pitch with some juice/drinks/medical advice/ towel/ stretcher/ magic stick/ anything for that matter, because our spinner has been hit in a place where no man likes to be hit.

With the much talked about razzmatazz of T20s, “I just get the feel that something is going to happen here” commentators, imported cheerleaders doing aerobics acts on the tunes of “Bidi Jalai Le”, every player playing everyday in every color’s t-shirts, test cricket in whites does become boring. Appam will bring all the masaala here. He will practice his dance. He will dance at the practice. And if by any chance, another pacer is batting at the nets – he will try to do what he does best. He will sledge him to injury. Once that pacer is gone, he will target another one. He just hates batsmen of lesser abilities. I am sure he doesn’t see himself in the mirror while honing his batting skills– something many batsmen do. Else he would have killed himself by now.

He will bowl. He will bat. So what if he isn’t included in 11. He can still do it in dressing room when camera is showing him on big screen. Afterall he will have to give a screen test in in a possible career option which can wait. He will at least carry drinks. He will laugh. He will cry. He will dance. He will freeze. He will sneeze too. He will speak. He will fart. Once the series is over, let’s hope he doesn't depart.

And we will keep wondering – how did God invent Appam? Or may be why?

Hail Appam.


Spiff said...

you are being unnecessarily harsh on Appam. He has a great seam position and he can get cut both ways..for the matter of fact so does his selection

Yayaver said...

Today 26/11 he ripped SL battting and proved his worth... but nice read.