Monday, April 27, 2009

The IPL Gems –

After completion of first week of IPL, here are a few more teams which might be formed in next season -

 

The Exchange Offers –

Nicknamed as baby gorilla by probably the most qualified person to do so, Andrew Symonds, Robin Uthappa would lead the side from front and back. If Gagan Khoda could only play extra cover drive, Robin mastered his vast repertoire of strokes starting from scoop towards a very fine fine-leg to not so fine fine-leg. But his favourite stroke is leg side flick lofted in the range of gully to mid off.  When Mumbai preferred to return this Bangalore’s son to Bangalore in exchange of Mumbai’s own borrowed son Zaheer Khan, RCB must have thought they got the explosive opener missing from their list last year. Till now, he has been successful in proving those people right who dropped him from Indian team. His wicket keeping has been a revelation and it was instrumental in KXIP’s win last night.

Sanjay ‘Monk’ Banger, having obliged DC in the previous season with his slow Mumbai local kind of batting, was acquired by KKR as an addition to their list of strange selections of Ajit Agarkar, Brad Hodge, Tadenda Taibu. Good thing about batting for KKR is that you can be sent to bat anytime so all 52 members of their squad are padded up at any point of time during their batting. Banger might not have got enough opportunities to bat last year but this year he is surely getting ample opportunities to practice how to put on the batting gears. 

 

East India Company –

Welcome to the team of East India Company. Their sole motto is, run away with the money of the corporate who think they are still making money in these times of recession. And they are doing it fast. KP, bought at USD 1.55mn is leading from front. He has been so efficient that he hasn’t even tried more than two shots in an innings. He has often got out on second. Now people are betting on who will score more runs during IPL, Sachin’s wax statue at madam tussad or KP. I am playing fantasy cricket on one of the websites where I get INR 20cr everyday to select my team and prices of players are almost same as what it was during IPL auction. Every time RCB has played, I have bought KP for INR 6.5 cr and made him my captain as captain’s points scored during the match are tripled. With KP’s consistency, I get the feel of how RCB owners would be feeling after each of his failures. At least I get my INR 20cr back next day.

Next will have to be an Agarkar inspired Flintoff who has mastered the expertise of turning the match around in one over, against his own side I mean. CSK has lost twice so far and both the times it was Flintoff who turned it around be it against DD or MI. Luckily for CSK, injury has forced him out of IPL.

Similarly Brad Hodge has been dodging KKR as he did it last season. But for KKR, story doesn’t end here. They have also been robbed by a laptop, their coaches’ laptop as claimed by some surreptitious blogger.

The Nanha Munna Brigade –

This team consists of Tata Nanos i.e. players who were bought by their franchises who couldn’t buy what they wanted due to scarcity of funds hence went for smaller versions. So RCB went for nanha yuvraj singh, Virat Kohli who like Yuvraj - wears his attitude on his sleeves and keeps ability to face quality bowling back in the dressing room. Like Yuvraj, he looks as if he is going to use his bat to bash up the bowler rather than the ball.

Than there is Nanha Nagarjuna, Venugopal Rao who was hired by DC as team’s star ambassador. Looks like DC wanted to have Nagarjuna as its ambassador but their pocket ran dry because of their expansive foreign player’s buyouts. Hence they went for portable version of the south Indian superstar.

Dhoni’s once lucky mascot, Jogi Sharma (chhota Betaal  of Vikram aur Betaal fame)  might also make it to this team. Not so long ago, like Bhuvan had a Kachara in his team (in Lagaan), Dhoni had Jogi who had this magnificent ability to bowl so close to the lines marked for indicating wide deliveries that umpires started asking third umpires to give a verdict on the delivery’s legitimacy. In addition to this who can forget his gesture of sitting on the ground and showing his fist with a smiling face whenever he took a catch/wicket as if a 45 year old virgin has finally done “it”. Jogi is just 25 though.

 

The coach team –

This team would consist of Jhon Bucchanan, his deputies as bowling/batting/fielding/wicket keeping/appealing coaches, his son who is physical of trainer of players, his nephew who is his personal trainer, his wife’s brother, his brother’s wife’s brother, his son in law, son in law’s brother, his father in law’s trainer. They will also have a laptop repairer, modem repairer, his tailor, his barber, his physics teacher, his son’s physics teacher, his math’s teacher, his son in law’s maths teacher. They might want to include some cricketers in case budget permits.

Standard Disclaimer – No intentions to hurt any sentiments. if I have stille managed to do so, its deeply regretted. 

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Tell you my dreams!!!

Some of the dreams I have had in past few weeks

 

  • Third world war has broken out. There is total chaos outside. Someone is knocking at my door. I refuse to open but ask “What all is going on outside?” “We are the army of Sultan of Arab. We accept only his rule and nothing else. We will fight till death till the goal is achieved” is the reply I get. I tell my wife “Crazy people. Just look at them. They are preferring anarchy over democracy.”
As I woke up, I realized I forgot to switch of the TV and the channel being played was IndiaTV.

 

  • Sanjay Nirupam has won the election. Meera Sanyal and Captain Gopinath got only 30,000 and 33,000 votes respectively hence lost. Their bosses are now giving them hard time by asking “Why the hell you went for it when you couldn’t even save the Jamanat (security deposit)?”

Next morning, first mail in my mailbox was a reminder from Jaagore to deposit my forms to election commission’s office.

 

  • My boss asks me to meet her in a meeting room. I go there and see the colour PINK. I m told “You are being laid off.” There are two more guys with the same fate as mine but before I can see who they are, it all goes blank.

I woke up with the morning alarm in my cell phone which also had an SMS for me. I was glad to see that salary was credited.

 

  • I am sitting with some big shot of financial world. He is telling me, recession will be at its peak in 2011.

I woke up, thanked God it was a dream and went back to sleep.

 

  • I get bored of life. I commit suicide.

I get up, get ready, force myself into the train, reach office, make myself look busy, again force myself back into the train, come back home and sleep. Life isn’t that boring.

 

  • One of my friends weighing 95 KGs has taken me to a Tata Nano showroom to have a look at the car. He wants to take the test drive and we (I and some salesmen) are trying to force him inside the car.

I was about to fall from the bed but woke up just in time.

 

  • People staying under Taliban rule are completely frustrated. They decide to move to India as it’s a democracy and life is supposed to be much better here. Indian government is having a torrid time in stopping these refugees (or whatever they are supposed to be called in semantically correct English) coming in.  I am sitting at Bandstand with one of such refugees. He is telling me his life stories. Suddenly tsunami strikes. I run and hide under a bench in the park at Bandstand. I am holding the bench real tight thinking, “Water will flow over the bench and I will survive.” 
As I woke up I realized I was holding onto my son’s favourite teddy bear and he was trying his best to snatch it away from me.

 

Above mentioned events are true to best of my knowledge. After all only I could have known them.  But some of the dreams seem to be too weird to me. May be I should stop watching news channels.


Saturday, April 11, 2009

Getting Old!!!

Sign of getting old -  

  • When every time you go down the memory lane to fetch a titillating memory, the length of the lane seems to be longer than your earlier trip. And once you reach there, the first words coming from you mouth are – Ah, those were the days.
  • These discussions of Ah, those were the days in a group of friends/ colleagues/ acquaintances/ aliens, start taking longer time than discussing Lisa Ray’s lesbian act in I can’t think straight.
  • When first thing you compare between your current photo and 4 year old one is your hairline.
  • When staying alone because family has gone away for some days means you are more worried if your maid would turn up next day or not rather then getting worried for arranging cheap beer.
  • When weekends start looking like two days of enjoyable getaway from work but end up in a Biz Bazaar rather than looking like two days of sleep which end up in a pub.
  • When first thing you see in a news paper is Page 3 but quickly jump to some political/ business news rather than pretending to be reading political/ business and only thing you read is Page 3.
  • While meeting a friend after just a week, first question you ask Aur Sunao, and this is your only question. Just that you ask it 10 times because you don’t have anything else to ask.
  • When meeting a friend after long time scares you because know that as a good gesture when you exchange contact details, you would find it difficult to recall his/ her name.
  • Every time India beats Australia, you feel like an old businessman who spent all his life building his empire and is getting results when he is about to retire.


Image Courtesy: newone.