If there is one thing, apart from lot of other things, in life which I just hate then it has to be getting up early in the morning. So when I was quitting my last job to join the current one, I knew life was going to be a lot more difficult. There is a morning meeting every morning at 8:20 AM ever since Stock Exchange has started opening at 9:00 AM so that it gets more business. I salute the people who proposed it. We should start exchange at 6:00AM to match it with some other markets as well. That will make the city travel free because then everyone will have to stay in office itself.
To reach office at 8:15 AM, I had to wake up at 6:20 AM and start at 7:00 AM. The train which was supposed to take 50 minutes took 70 and I reached office at 8:30 AM.
The meeting had already started. I quietly made my entry into the meeting room and stood behind a pillar so that no one could notice me. To remain unnoticed has always been my forte.
They were discussing the proposed public offer of XYZ Ltd., the biggest seller of unused condoms in the country, and the possible listing price of their stock. Suddenly I was spotted behind the pillar and introduced to everyone. Introduction sounded something like – “Listen all. This is Mr. Airawat, the white elephant. We have imported him straight from the stable of Lord Indra. He has specialized in his hobby of watching condom ads right from his childhood. He knows anything and everything under the sun, packet and pants about condoms. His knowledge and experience about the subject is second to none. So let us hear what an expert has to say.” I was totally stumped. I have been watching condom ads but my expertise on the subject is as good as my Bharatnatyam. After a minute of “Aah”, “Well”, “Umm”, another enthusiastic gentleman jumped in with his analysis on the subject. I love such fellows. In a situation like this, they always arrive as saviours for mediocre mortals like me. Then it went on to future of condoms in India, export duty on them and things like that. This meant that the discussion was moving from its analytical terrain to generic heavens.
I got a chance to redeem myself with my input – “Out of our population of 1.2 billion, we have over 60% in the range which has/soon will have active basic instincts. Hence we will have to curb exports which can only be done by increasing export duty. It is not done yet because there is a strong lobby against it which wants Indians to outnumber other countries. But how long we can keep on producing babies?”
“Do you even know why the money is raised? There is a huge demand outside for tigers” yelled someone.
“But they don’t need condoms, do they? There are only 1411 left”
“It’s not the ones in our jungles. It’s for the ones in their cities.”
“They should start exporting the tigers in their cities to our jungles. This will cut their cost and increase our numbers from 1411.” I don’t think like you, anyone their understood anything that I said. But I ate up some airtime for sure.
Meeting soon got over.
Next few hours went on in formalities. Things were definitely not helped by the fact that Gtalk was banned in office. I was feeling like a fish out of water.
Post lunch, while trying to look busy I managed to damage the plug point of LAN cable. For next 4 hours, Helpdesk tried their best to repair it with not much avail. When I asked them about the problem, they blamed it on the rats in the office. Either I am too smart an offender or they were too gentle to name the real culprit. I assume it’s the former.
But if sitting in front of a computer which has no access to chat/community websites is like suffering from loose motions, it’s definitely not the worst. Your office computer with no network access feels like being miles away from toilet while suffering from loose motions. But then you get an excuse to officially do nothing that too officially. That’s what I did. The clock ticked 6 and I was off.
Hope to be in time on Monday.