6:00 AM – Alarm rings. I put it back to snooze. I know it will ring again at 6:05 AM. I also know I have at least 15 more minutes to sleep. Oh, only thing for which I can give up my morning sleep is – office off course as I have no choice. But 5 minutes of extra sleep in the morning sounds like getting to know your employer has not deducted tax from your salary. You know you will have to pay it next month but the feel of getting additional money is like orgasmic pleasure.
6:05 AM – Alarm rings. I put it back to snooze. I have 10 more minutes of sleep.
6:10 AM – “Shut up you alarm, I have 5 more minutes” I say.
6:15 AM – No choice now. I have to get up.
6:17 AM – Go to the loo. Spend 10 minutes there pretending you are trying to get rid off it. Basically sleep for 10 more minutes.
6:27 AM – Get out and rush to brush. “Shall I shave?” is the question. “Razor is too old” and decide against it. Basically I am running late.
6:47 AM – Run out of my building to catch an auto.
6:49 AM – Ask autowala “ Borivali?” He replies in negative.
6:49:15 AM to 6:52:27AM – Repeat above step 10 times. Finally get an auto.
7:01 AM – Reach Borivali station. Buy three news papers – We know news, we know news better than we know news, we know news best.
7:04 AM – Catch the 7:00 AM Churchgate local. It’s late but so am I. Spot an old uncle who will get down at next station. Go stand almost on his head “No one is going to take his seat when he gets down. Its mine” Every time he moves his 50 year old body, even to fart, I get myself closer to his seat.
7: 12 AM – Uncle gets down and I get a seat to sit. As soon as I sit, sleep.
8:20 AM – Train reaches Churchgate station. Someone wakes me up. I walk out of station to catch a cab to my office. I am late and there is a queue for the cabs. “Such is this city. Every second missed means life being more difficult. More difficulty in life results in you missing more seconds” I think quietly. Just hope no one hears it else I might get to hear “Why don’t you go back to the place you have come from?”
8:30 AM – I am late for the morning meeting. Boss asks “What about the news on impact of Sania-Shohaib’s marriage on the sales of condoms in Chattisgarh?” I am clueless. He shouts “There is a two page article in today’s newspaper about it. Don’t you read newspapers?” I defend saying I have read three. He throws a newspaper on my face which carried the article. Newspaper is named we know news better than what you have read.
8:55 AM – Come back to my desk. The room where I sit is totally closed. Only place where you can find windows is your computer. We have windows XP.
9:10 AM – Rush to loo to hide from the boss who is hunting for me because I missed the news. Sit there for half an hour, shit there for five minutes and use rest of the time for sleeping.
9:45 AM to 6: 45 PM – Sit in front of the computer and spend entire day in data mining and data interpretation. Try to find out the demand drivers for condoms sales over the internet just to find out that most of the sites capable of giving that information are either blocked or paid.
6:55 PM – Find out that the data I was looking for was available on Bloomberg. Just that I don’t know how to use Bloomberg.
7:00 PM – Come out of office to take some fresh air and realize it’s getting dark. Rush to Churchgate station.
7:25 PM - Take a 7:25 PM Borivali train which is late by 10 minutes. Train is 210% full. Stand between the two seats hoping someone to get up so that I can get a seat. No one moves.
8: 30 PM – Borivalli is 5 minutes away and I get a seat. Sit and enjoy my only moment of triumph in the entire day.
8: 35 PM – Get down at Borivali.
8: 38 PM – Ask an autowala “Thakur Village?” Do this for next 10 minutes. I am getting late again. I might miss the MI – RCB match today.
9: 10 PM – Enter the house. TV is already busy serving the boss at home. Laptop is captured by my son.
9:15PM to 9:30 PM – Try persuading my son to handover my laptop to me.
9:31 PM – Get back my laptop but not before it has survived the Su-Su attack by few millimetres.
9:35 PM – Try to see the match on youtube. Since I carry speed in photon, it should be real smooth streaming. Face few problems in start. “It should be a matter of few seconds” I think.
11:30 PM – Internet is finally working. TV is also free now. But its time to sleep else I will be late again.
11:45 PM – Decide to read we know news better than what you have read tomorrow morning and sleep.
For next day’s routine, please go to step 1.