When Inglorious Bastards was released in 2009, I wanted to watch the movie as soon as possible. My interest increased manifold after I saw the promos of the movie. But to my bad luck, movie was not going to be released in India for quite some time and I have still not got hold of its DVD.
So I decided to break the law and download the movie using torrent. But once you google for any torrent, it can throw up hundreds of links – most of them of “those” kinds. I selected one of the links which took me to a page which had 24 torrents for the movie. I did best of my analysis to find out the link which could have a decent print. Finally, I chose one and started downloading.
3 days and 7 hours later, download was completed. I started watching the movie. Print was good. Just that it looked a bit old. Few minutes later, I realized that I couldn’t understand a single word that was uttered in the movie.
“Damn piracy. At least original DVD comes along with sub-titles” I thought. I follow a very strict rule – if I get a DVD of a Hollywood movie without subtitles, I don’t watch it. Actually watching the movie is technically incorrect term here as I end up reading the subtitles during the movie. So I watch it again. Second time, I actually watch the movie. And I don’t watch Hindi movies these days.
I tried my best to understand the dialogues but failed miserably. I knew I was bad in queen’s language, in fact I still am, but so bad? So I turned to my 24X7 helpline – my wife. She, being proficient in German, told me that the movie was in German. Well, without subtitles that didn’t make any difference to me. I wouldn’t have understood it even if it was in English.
But it didn’t end there. I could not spot Brad Pitt in the movie - that too when more than 20 minutes had passed. So I called up an educated friend –
“Dude, I am watching Inglorious Bastards. But I cannot understand it.”
“Who asked you to go for the English version? Why don’t you wait for its Hindi version – Besharam Haramzade”
“I don’t have that much patience. The movie is in German.”
“Why don’t you read about the movie before watching it? It’s based on the Second World War. And
Quentin Tarantino is a stylish movie maker. He would have, to give it a touch of reality, made first few minutes in German.”
“Oh. But there is no Brad Pitt in the movie”
“Dude, it’s not a Dev Anand movie that he will be there in every scene even if it’s shot in a maternity ward. Brad Pitt comes after 20 minutes.”
So I went back to the movie. However, my patience died after half an hour and I decided to take assistance of Wikipedia. The very first link cleared all my doubts. I had actually downloaded Quel maledetto treno blindato - A German movie which was made in 1978. Which meant that I had spent 3 days, 7 hours and 35 minutes on a movie which was made even before I was born and was in German?
“Why did they make this movie in 1978 and wasted my time? Tarantino was anyhow going to make it a few years later” I thought.
I have never understood the rationale behind remakes. There could be only two reasons – either there is so much dearth of new stories that you have to tell an old story again and again in a movie or a story is so powerful that it doesn’t lose its impact even it is told a million times. But then its not that what is told but how it is told is something which decides the impact of a joke. May be same is true with movies. But remakes have often left me confused.
Like yesterday when I got Planet on Apes on rent. I had scenes promos of the movie in 2001 and was very impressed with them. Special effects in the movie were amazing. But the movie I got had an ancient look to it. I waited for half an hour for those special effects to appear but they never did. Wikipedia revealed that the movie I was watching was made in 1968. Its remake was made in 2001.
Just to make it clear: - If you are thinking of suing me for downloading a movie, wait. This post is a work of fiction, pure fiction and nothing but fiction.