Thursday, February 24, 2011

World cup times – Edition 1.0!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, we are amidst first week of WC11 – world cup preceded by most number of world cups of different kinds. Just to make sure that viewers don’t miss out on this being THE WORLD CUP, ICC has made sure that first round lasts for more than a month so that everyone gets to know that there is a world cup going on. And just when you start getting bored, you will be told that the real tournament has just started i.e. sometime late in next month. So you can still go on a vacation to moon, have no access to any events on this planet, come back, and catch the real part of the tournament.
With knock-out rounds not expected to have any “surprise” participants, financially drained teams like West Indies would have travelled by cheaper source of transport and made it in time to participate in the knock-out round. May be that is why they are put in the same group as Bangladesh. Now they can’t say “Maannn, we will crush the minnows anyhow. Let’s jog to the subcontinent and save some cost.” Incidentally, Bangladesh has best win/loss ratio against West Indies if we do not count other minnows including New Zealand. You may ask, “Why New Zealand were put in a different group then?” It is because New Zealand would not have come to participate if they were put in the same group as Bangladesh.

While I missed the opening ceremony because I was still at work, I was told that a commentator better known as Tracer Bullet described it as “The atmosphere is just electrifying. I just get the feeling that something is going to happen here.” He used the same words for opening ceremony at T20WC07 or IPL08 or IPL09 or IPL10 or Indian Idol 2011 or even his first night. He always gets the feeling that something is going to happen here. Something always happens there. We cannot blame him for being repetitive. I have also found all the opening ceremonies exactly similar – thousands of dancers will come and dance, some “once they were star” band will come and perform, lots of firecrackers, laser show and lights which make it impossible for you to see anything. So I didn’t mind missing the opening ceremony. Anyhow, if you are employed by someone, you employer always take precedence.

I also missed the first hour of India’s match against Bangladesh because I was busy transferring money from my pocket to Mr. Biyani’s. If you are married, Mr. Biyani’s pocket always comes before your own.

While Indian batsmen made Bangladesh’s bowlers look like McGrath and Muralitharan in WC07, bowlers didn’t do a terrible job in that match by extending it to 48th or 49th over. Batsmen corrected their mistake and India amassed 370. This time around, Indian bowlers committed mistakes and allowed Bangladesh to score 284. After all, Indian bowlers also need some motivation for the India-BD encounter in next world cup. Sehwag said he wanted to bat for 50 overs which surprised everyone because till now, he had batted for 80 overs in two world cups. Sehwag almost batted for 50 overs. I hope he meant 50 overs in each match rather than entire WC11. MS Dhoni had complained for the problem of riches in selecting final XI. Sreesanth, the saint he is, sacrificed and made sure he won’t contribute to this problem in WC11 anymore. He may not contribute in WC11 at all now.

NZ-Kenya match took 20% lesser time than a complete T20 match takes. NZ made a statement, “We have NRR of 7.62. We are sure for the next round.” They complained of their statement being misquoted once someone reminded them that they need to win points also to move to next round. However, they were happy to know that there is no Bangladesh in their group.

In the match between Sri Lanka and Canada, Canada reminded Sri Lanka that they could play cricket but only for the 25% of the match. For rest 75%, Sri Lanka reminded Canada that they were playing against Sri Lanka.

Zimbabwe bowled really well against Australia for 85% of their innings. But for rest of the match, they were not as good as 15% of Australia. Incidentally, it was alleged that Ricky Ponting broke a TV set after being run out. Cricket Australia came hard at rumors and gave us the true picture – “Ponting was visibly frustrated as he left the field after being run out, and he threw his groin protector at his kit bag, only for it bounce up and hit the corner of the television.” ICC is looking to hire a metallurgical engineer to find out the material of which Ponting’s groin guard and kit bag are made off. After all a kit bag is supposed be made of some cloth which normally absorbs the momentum of an object thrown at it. So Ponting’s kit bag must have been made of some hard metal which added to the bounce of the guard, and guard must have been made of even harder metal to break (damage) a TV set. I, being a metallurgical engineer, have sent my CV to them. They also want to hire a physics expert who knows Newton’s third law better than Ponting knows how to respect umpire’s decisions . Please send your CV if you are good at physics.

England called back Swann just after Swann was blessed with a baby because England thought beating Netherland will take all their strength. Netherland didn’t disappoint them. England was not proven wrong.

Kenya played the most dangerous team in the world – Pakistan. If you wonder why Pakistan is called the most dangerous team in the world, you may ask Sri Lanka especially Samarveera. Kenya did to Pakistan what Canada did to Sri Lanka.

Today, the world cup begins or it claims to do so when South Africa takes on West Indies.
See you in next edition.


Alpachra said...

after long time a good post....

Spiff said...

Abe this is a bundle of recycled jokes...u need to pull ur socks up if u want to get published in Desipundit