Dear readers, welcome to the final edition of world cup times. It has been a great privilege to bring this coverage to you. The world cup 2011, ladies and gentlemen, has been won by Ireland. We will print an interview of the players of this winning team which has been unknown to the most. We will do it as soon as we get hold on to their players – they are unknowns so first we need to know who played for Ireland. Incidently, their skipper was deposited to local police station by some good Samaritans. Our Samaritans saw him shouting from the rooftop of his hotel – “I am the captain of world cup winning team” and thought of him as a visitor who couldn’t handle his drug dose. So they did their bit. In this interim, we have interviewed some of the captains who ended up on the losing side. We present to you their side of story.
MS Dhoni – Off course we are very sad for not lifting the cup. Obviously we would have loved to win the trophy for our GOD. It would have been a wonderful retirement gift. Off course he will have to play till 2015 if he wants such a gift. But there are lots of positives you know. We have a long season coming up post world cup hence we must stop worrying about the past. Obviously we have a lot to worry about the future. Off course this long tournament has give good practice to those who played in it. Obviously this will help them especially in IPL. Those who were not selected, got well deserve rest to take part in IPL. Off course it has lot of importance and off course I am looking forward to it. Our franchise pays us so much of money, we must win the IPL.
Ricky Ponting – Yeah mate, we have lost it. But it is not entirely our fault. The pitches in the sub continent were little under prepared. They were meant to suit spinners. It was little unfair to visiting teams especially us because we had only pacers in the side – one of them on the verge or retirement and other making a comeback after the retirement. Also, it gets a bit too hot and humid at this point of time in the subcontinent. Next time they should not organize the tournament in this time. Yeah mate. I am mighty excited to play in IPL. After all, where else I will get to play under multiple captains which will help me improving my own skills. (On reminding that he wasn’t even part of auction this time) What? Is it? Mate. I am not in IPL this year. See, I am not a great supporter of this type of game. I have never been. ICC needs to take care of this game. We should only play test cricket. Off spinners should be banned. We need to play Ashes as soon as possible. I couldn’t make a hat-trick in this tournament, maybe I can make a hat-trick in Ashes this time.
Shahid Afridi – Inshallah, we lost. Inshallah, boys played well. Inshallah, I also played well. See, our players were injured. No, there was not fight after our loss to Ireland in the semi finals. We were just playing and our bowler fell on our keeper. Our keeper has broken his backbone but Inshallah, he will be fit soon. I think Waqar bhai has done a good job in coaching. At least he has come out of this world cup alive. Our last coach couldn’t do so in 2007. I say sorry to the people of Pakistan and retire from international cricket. Inshallah, I will stay retired till PCB calls me back.
Andrew Strauss – Yes we have lost it this time as well. But loss can only make us more determined. Strong determination results in success. Our failure is a strong proof that our determination was not strong enough. Hence we need to lose more. Look, there is no talent in England as far as cricket is concerned. Hence they need to import more and more players, especially from South Africa. They imported me and I got them Ashes. In fact we should play just one brand of cricket – Ashes. Also, Irish are like brothers for us. Like India did for Bangladesh and Sri Lanka, We need to see that there is prosperity in neighborhood also. Their best players will anyhow play for us in couple of year’s time. That is how it has been. That is how it will be. We used this tournament as a talent hunt. Now the talent is spotted, all we need is to do is to hunt. BTW, can you please check with IPL governor if he can fit me in one of the teams? I love IPL.
Graeme Smith - Stop it guys. Stop calling us chokers. We didn’t choke in a single match this time. Just to prove that we aren’t no chokers, we lost by heavy margins. See, England has been stealing talent from us. Now they know there is talent in neighborhood so may be they will spare us. Haven't you guys heard, "Sometimes, you need to lose in order to win. The one who wins after losing is called KKR or something.” They will win one day. We will one day. Now if you can please excuse me, I have to go get my broken thumb treated. I don’t want to lose on any salary in IPL.
K. Sangakkara – There was too much dew man. There was too much dew even during the day time. Plus we didn’t play at SSC. And we didn’t play Ireland also. Else we would have won. It’s getting too much for me – batting, keeping, captaining. I am giving up captaincy. Anyhow we have a tradition that if you haven’t won the world cup, you cannot lead the side in next world cup. See you in IPL.
PS: It is solely based on the dream I had last night. My dreams hardly come true. If they had, we might have been fighting third world war by now.