Thursday, June 30, 2011

RIP lover boy!!!

It’s not every day that I start with heart shattering news. But this news article did make me drop my jaw, raise my eye brows, and sulk while trying hard to control my tears. Last time I felt so when Rohan Gavaskar announced his retirement from test cricket.

The legendary actor of tinsel town, Uday Chopra has decided to hang his boots after his next film Dhoom3. It was second such shock within a few days – first came when the Shamita Shetty announced her retirement to pursue her career in interior decoration. How ironical that both of them made their debut in the romantic horror – Mohabbatein.

I first heard of Uday in 1994 when he was producing Yeh Dillagi. Entire nation was swept away with euphemism when it heard that a 21 year old is producing a movie.

“Wow, we have really young and amazingly budding talent” commented Yash Chopra.

Yeh Dillagi was a love triangle where Saif Ali Khan and Akshay Kumar were fighting over Kajol. The movie did turn out to be a hit but Uday was disappointed.

“According to the original script, the bone of contention in the love triangle was Saif Ali Khan. Akshay Kumar and Kajol were supposed to be fighting for him. Damn censor board. They cut all the love making scenes between Akshay and Saif. They made us change the story. The movie looked as if bone of contention was Kajol” said Uday in an interview. The movie might have been a hit but being a true worshipper of art, he was disappointed as his art had not come out the way he wanted.

“Is it? But Kajol was the heroine, no?”

“It was Saif you moron. Have you even seen the movie? Tell me the most feminine character in the movie? You find Kajol feminine, really? Go watch Gupt and then come back to me.”

“Oh. Damn censorship”

“Yeah, damn it. Saif looks so beautiful. I had tough time controlling myself”

“What? You fell for Saif

“No you idiot. I had tough time controlling myself when censor board was clipping my film.”

“But why did they do so? They didn’t want a gay movie?”

“No. They thought it was a lesbian movie when Kajol was flirting with Saif” said a sulking Uday.

The time moved on. With his looks, Uday could not have hidden behind the camera for long. He made his debut in the world of acting. His first movie Mohabbatein was his home production. His family didn’t want others to cash in on his looks which were pretty similar to Saqlain Mushtaq. The movie was a multi-starrer romantic horror, the first of its kind. Uday played the lead role among the backdrop dancers. Entire nation was awed by this dude who fulfilled the criteria to the fullest – tall, dark and handsome. Uday’s co-star Shamita Shetty was tall, Uday looked really dark, and everyone else other than him looked handsome.

His next movie, Mere Yaar ki Shadi hai was a killer romantic thriller. Everyone was thrilled expecting Bipasha to shed cloths. Uday killed that romanticism by shedding cloths more often than Bipasha did.

His next was Mujhse Dosti Karoge, another movie flooded with romanticism. While Uday acted like a true thespian, the leading Lady Kareena Kapoor in the movie showed her preference for whites in the movie. She “accidently” showed her underwear (careful) in the movie. Her act, sheer out of insecurity that Uday’s acting might snatch away all the limelight, is the only memento stitched in the memory of everyone. Uday’s acting in the movie was unfortunate to face the curse known as “obliviate.”

Uday was done with the romanticism. So he did Charas, an action thriller. But the movie flopped solely due to the laws in the land which are unfair to true art. “As the name goes, people would have understood the movie only under the effect of Charas. But government did not allow us to sell it in the cinema halls. Quite unfair it was. Can you enjoy a 3D movie without 3D glasses?” said a source associated with the movie.

Uday was nominated under the category of Filmfare’s best supporting actor in his movie Dhoom. “Well I was just a factor in the movie, so nice of them to consider me as an actor” said humble Uday. Uday was casted against Dharmendra’s son Isha Deol. Isha played the role of Mohammad Ali in the movie whereas Uday played the role of Mohammad Ali’s punching bag. Abhishek Bacchan played the role of boxing ring and Rimi Sen played the trophy.

After so many multi-starrers, Uday was ready to carry the burden of a movie on his shoulders; it was time for a solo –hero movie. Hence Uday did the epic saga - Neal 'n' Nikki with Tanisha Mukherjee. Tanisha played Shaquille O'Neal (Neal) whereas Uday played Nikki Aneja (Nikki). It was yet another love story as for Uday, he was born in a house which was brimming with love stories. He believed in “cum, fall in love,” hence this movie was all about coming and falling in love. The concept of the movie was extremely unique and never told before. The story may never be told in the future also. The story went like this - Neal is an Indian boxer settled in Britain who wants to play carom. Nikki is a TV actor. They meet accidently again and again, fight with each other, and fall in love after few raunchy scenes. What an inspiring story it was. Although movie flopped badly at box office but the blame has to go to bad marketing strategy. Everyone thought it was about a never told romantic saga between star basket ball player Shaquille O'Neal and Indian actress Niki Aneja (better known for mixing bikini and Saree in Anil Kapoor's Mr. Azad).

Failure of this movie shocked Uday and shattered him deeply. People said that he just cannot be a romantic actor – too macho to play a romantic role.
Uday accepted the challenge and reinvented himself in his next flick – Pyar Impossible. Even the name was apt for the challenge. If the name says Pyar Impossible, the last thing you expect is it to be a romantic movie.

Even Uday said prior to the release “As the name suggests, it’s not a romantic movie. It’s a suspense thriller.”

“Oh is it? What is the suspense in the movie?”

“You will again be thrilled to see me in a romantic role. That is the suspense” said Uday with a wink.

Uday not only acted but also wrote and produced the movie. The movie was super hit in its premiere show. Rumor has it that Tom Cruise thought that it was a pirated version of his movie Mission Impossible. Hence he threatened Uday to sue him. Just to avoid controversy, Uday made an offer to Tom. Uday couldn’t have called back the prints already distributed across the country but he made a nationwide appeal to the people for not watching this movie. Everyone obliged and the movie flopped.
But it seems like Uday wants to take his revenge from Hollywood superstar. What is the best way to do it – cut through Tom’s biggest asset i.e. his fan base. These days, Uday is in US stealing Tom’s female fans. Recently he was caught by the police when he was trying to impress one of Tom’s female fan by taking his shirt off. Police needed to intervene when Uday took his shirt off. Thank God he did not take his pants off else CIA might have needed to flex its muscles. I know his critics would be saying “Why didn’t they take his head off?”
Anyways, the legend has decided to hang his boots. There may be worldwide protests opposing this, India may blame Pakistan for this, Pakistan may say that they will also be a victim of this event, stock markets may crash and US may come up with QE3. But we need to learn that life moves on. The show must go one. Let him go. RIP.

PS: This post is a work of facts stolen from internet and fiction rotting in my head. If you are thinking of suing me, please remember what Uday's dad has said once – someone somewhere is made for you. I am not someone. I am no one.


Antu said...

Hey dude,,,, you write well...... I like it. Thanks for a good time.

Spiff said...

he is a star