Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Day Earth Stood Still!!!

downloadIt was magic, sheer magic. He was Bradman with the bat and Warne with the ball – I mean if Bradman had tried batting left handed and Warne had tried bowling left arm spin. While fielding, he was himself - one of the best as ever. Yesterday, on 15

th January 2015, Ravindrasinh Anirudhsinh Jadeja, or Sir Jadeja as we devotees call him – was on song. He gave us a small glimpse of his immeasurable talent. He gave us a glimpse of his unbelievable abilities. He gave us all a glimpse of himself.

Sir Jadeja, ladies and gentlemen, was on song on yesterday. And the universe stopped to watch. It did. Yesterday, cricket was blessed to witness a performance so brilliant that Oxford is thinking of calling back all its dictionaries – they want to redefine the meaning of word brilliant from “exceptionally clever or talented” to “Jadeja-like”.

Entire galaxy felt blessed to have witnessed his performance of the man who scores triple centuries at will. It was the day earth stood still and watched in awe.

Here is what people had to say.

WG Grace’s ghost, the granddad of cricket – I hope Americans get it now. They always wondered – why this game has to be a team game when one bowler bowls to one batsman. For them, it shouldn’t have been a team game. Now they would realize how visionary the founders of the game were. They were fully aware about the planetary motions which were going to cause arrival of Sir on this planet. Sir has started opening his eyes now and the world is shaking. We need a team to counter him else each match Sir plays will be no match at all.

Ashley Giles, the England team’s coach - All my career I missed an idol – an important ingredient for a cricketer to succeed. How I wish I had made my debut a few years later. I would have had an idol in him. What a player. We were lucky that only one aspect of his game came to fore in Rajkot and yet India almost defeated us. What an all-round performance he gave today. We had to put up two perfect all-round performances in the last match to counter him. This time, we had just one and were crushed by him. When Giles was asked about England’s all-round performances he was referring to, he replied – We played Samit Patel and Bresnan both in Rajkot. This time, our only all-round performance was in form of Samit.

Kapil Dev, the “Boost is the secret of my energy” fame all-rounder – He is a lot better cricketer than me. Imagine what he will do if he starts taking Boost.

Boost, the secret behind Kapil Dev’s energy – Sir is the secret of my energy.

God, the God – I am so glad that I couldn’t understand Mayan calendar and disapproved it. Else I wouldn’t have got a chance to witness the brilliance of Sir.

Mayans, people who predicted doomsday on 21st December 2012 – We are glad that God opened our calendar in “Symbol” font in place of “Tahoma”. Had he done that, we would have missed the belligerence of Sir.

Ja-deja-vu, one of 700 survivors of Mayans clan – Oh our ancestors, they were no better than a God forbidden nincompoop. How difficult it would have been to get a God damned calendar right? Now what will I tell my grandkids? That best part of the greatest ever cricketer doesn’t exist in our calendar?

Ishant Sharma, the unlucky fast bowler – I’ve started taking tips for Sir. Sir has asked me to try Lux Cozy.

Romesh Pawar, ex-cricketer – I was all round but Sir is all-rounder.

A secret source from Birmingham Palace, the secret source – Queen has asked our PM to put a request to India. She wants to be the first human to be adorned with the honor – Jadejahood.

Bhuvan’s ghost, the man who didn’t pay Lagaan – I played like him.

MS Dhoni, the Indian captain – I kept telling them between the balls – “Don’t hit them so hard that they forfeit the series and run away from here

Rajinikanth, HIM – Nope, I never visited Jamnagar.

Meanwhile, umpires have put in a complaint against Sir. They have complained to ICC that shine of the halo Sir carried behind his head blinds them and interrupts in their work. ICC has requested Sir to leave his halo on the dressing room while playing cricket. Sir has obliged with the condition that he would be wearing his cape from now on - just in case aliens are watching, they would recognize Sir due to this cape and proscribe any thoughts of attacking our planet.

PS: In case you have not figured it out yet, this is a work of fiction.