Friday, March 08, 2013

Happy Women’s day!!!

Statuary warning – After reading this, you may allege of me being a male chauvinist who has got no respect for the other side of gender divide. But let me tell you – I have all the love and respect for the other side. So please don’t kill me.
 Women - I have always wondered how this word would have been created. Like everything in this world, it must have found its genesis in something. But I couldn’t think of something very convincing.
Maybe God first created men. Men as a creature, no matter how tough they may try posing themselves, are weak at hearts. They are low in confidence, always. They may desire a lot but what they desire most is to be desired by others. So God must have invented another gender and told them – Woo Men. Woo them and make them feel wanted. This “Woo Men” must have been converted in women over a period of time.
Men are selfish, very selfish. They have short memories flooded with thanklessness. Men must have forgotten God. God, this is what I believe, is an egoist. He must have told the gender he had created – Woe Men. The same Woo was converted in Woe. Still, Woe Men sounds surprisingly similar to Woo Men.
Hence it continued to remain women.
But this was all nothing but fiction. In reality, women are the World of Men. They are the reason we exist, they are the reason we live and in some cases, as history has proved, they are the reason we men die.
It has been proven statistically that 97.83% of the battles fought by the mankind were because of women. Most of the remaining 2.17% must have been fathers fighting their sons to grab the TV remote – the typical Doremon versus cricket battle.
So abovementioned statistics say that women have been the bane of contention for most of the things in this world – they have been the woes.
I differ. I strongly differ. I have always found statistics useless – especially since I almost scored an F grade in college in this subject. Don’t trust statistics, just don’t. Not even if they belong to women – appreciate them in that case.
Without women, we men won’t last a day. They are the loveliest creatures ever created by God, ever. Oh yeah, there was a period at the end of last sentence in case you missed it.
But I don’t get the concept of celebrating a Women’s day and wishing people “Happy Women’s Day”.
I have a few fundamental problems with that.
To start with, every day is women’s day. If it is not, this is how it should be. Why make just one day as Women’s day? Doesn’t it mean that other days don’t belong to them? As a gentleman, it is your duty to make every day as the day of the woman in your life. If you have more than one woman in your life, you won’t have a choice anyhow.
If at all any day is needed, we need to have a “Men’s day”. Yes, my dear women, we men need at least one day in a year to be called as “Men’s day”. It has to be the day when we need not answer to questions like do we love you, allegations like we don’t love you anymore, we can say that the Pizza we ate in the breakfast was worse than the dinner we had last night, we can let our hearts out when told that you have once again crashed the car and that too without fearing the tears, we can be ourselves. We need a day without the fear of tears.
Another problem with saying “Happy Women’s day” is that Happy Women sounds like a big oxymoron. Women are hardly ever happy. If you gift them a gold necklace, they would be unhappy because you didn’t make it a diamond necklace. If you gift them a diamond necklace, they would be unhappy that it wasn’t platinum. If you somehow managed to make it a platinum necklace, they would be unhappy about you spending too much money. They, women, are unhappy lot by nature.
A mother is never happy because his son isn’t eating properly. For every mother, no matter how gluttonous her son is, her son never eats enough. I am sure even Kumbhkaran’s mom would be of same mind.
A wife is always worried that her husband eats too much of fatty stuff. For every wife, her husband leads an unhealthy lifestyle which must be corrected.
For everyman belonging to above mentioned mother and wife, it is impossible to keep them both happy at the same time. God tried inventing a man who kept his mother and wife happy at the same time and he ended up inventing Mihir in Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi. That was the only man who kept all the mothers and wives glued to TV sets across the globe.
So I find it really strange to say “Happy Women’s day”.
Anyways, I know I am trying to swim against the waves in Indian Ocean and salty water will kill my retina. Hence I would rather go with the flow. I will accept the term “Happy Women’s day” but will wish it every day to the women in my life. Without them, I will not last a day.
Now coming to the women who are not in my life – there is a whole bunch out there.
If you are one of those eye candies I once fancied but couldn’t hit any luck – wish you a very happy women’s day. I know the dude you chose over me is rich but fat like a pig and bald like a barren field by now. For your information, I still fancy a slim trim figure and do comb my hair. Anyways, happiness is all about expectations management and I hope you are managing them well.
If you are one of those eye candies I am fancying these days, don’t be so happy. I know you don’t exist. I am a family man and very happy about it.
For all other women in the world – I wish you all a very happy Women’s day. May the men in your lives align their thoughts with mine and treat every day as Women’s Day.

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