Love in Bollywood!!!

One of the reasons I don’t like Bollywood movies is their portrayal of love and fixation towards it – not just the terrible quality but also the quantity in which love stories are produced. It is as all our lives is nothing but an eternal search for true love which take us to a utopian world which has rosy lives. So even if they make a period drama about Mangal Pandey, it is centered around love story. Even if they make a Sci-fi thriller like Koi Mil Gaya, love story was still pretty much central part of it. Guess what, even sports movies like Dhoni or Azhar looked like more about the love stories of their protagonists than the protagonists themselves.

If that was not enough, Bollywood has also spoiled the idea of love. They have limited it to singing song, running around trees, fighting for it, crying for it and all converging it to one point – making it, the love.

In short, Bollywood has mostly focused on form of this angle of this feeling called love – lust. The way they     have depicted love, it seems like only way to experience or express love is romance and end result is always found in bed.

Such one dimensional depiction has confused entire generation.

Even in real life one can find people living in the impression of love created by Bollywood. For them love is all about those sweet talks, candle light dinners, flowers, gifts, hugs, kisses, physical intimacy and rocking sex. One cannot really blame them. That is the picture they’ve been shown. Hence that is what they believe in.

But what is love really? I don’t know. What I know is that it is misunderstood and overrated. 

For the simplicity of comparisons, let us stick to just one kind of relationship. You know of what kind.

Love isn’t exciting. Not always for sure. Love is boring. Mostly. No matter how comfortable you are with your object of love, the company cannot always be exciting. After sometime, be it a few minutes, few hours, few days, few years, it will feel boredom. Some amount of, for sure. Can you find comfort in that boredom? If the answer is no, it isn’t love. It is just your need for good companionship. It takes time to build such comfort. Sometimes it takes years. It is a boring process.

Love isn’t about being good to each other. Not always. You will fight with others. You will dislike others. You will even hate others. There will be such times. Times may get so bad that you may even want other person gone. Gone forever. But can you see through these times to again reach a stage of being good to each other? Nobody is perfect. Nobody will ever be perfect. Same is about relationships. But can you handle that imperfection to reach back the happy stage? If the answer is no, it isn’t love. It is your denial for accepting imperfections of life. It takes years to reach the level of maturity where you can accept each other’s imperfections. It is hard work.

Love isn’t just about ability to talk to each other. There will be times when either one of you or both of you would like to just stay away from each other. There will be times when you would look out for breaks. There will be times when even when you two are together, you wouldn’t have anything to talk to each other. Question is, can you enjoy each other’s silence? If not, it isn’t love. It is your need for a vent out in life. It takes patience to give away the obsession of always holding on to someone’s space. Patience is a virtue not everyone is blessed with. But it can be built upon.

Love isn’t just about romance. It is much more. It is about care. It is about respect. It is about acceptance.

Bollywood’s most celebrated love character is Devdas. He is seen to be an epitome of love. To me, he was a weak character needlessly idolized but people who believe in selling pain. Pain sells. Devdas’ wasn’t love. It was his desperation to get back something he couldn’t hold on to when he had a chance and feeling of revenge against establishment which resulted in self-inflicted pain. This pain was celebrated. But Devdas’ was a selfish character. All he cared for was his own feelings. Hence he went into a self-destruction mode and ended up destroying everything. This wasn’t love.

Bollywood’s most celebrated lover boy SRK did Darr¸at the start of his career which gave it a big boost. The movie had a punchline – a violent love story. It was a super hit. His character was so much obsessed with his object of love that he almost ended up destroying everything she loved. Was this love? No. this was pure obsession to a maddening level. SRK’s character lacked respect for Juhi’s character’s own life and decisions.

Both the above mentioned characters were selfish. Extremely selfish. Irresponsible. Love doesn’t make you shed away from your responsibilities.

So often Bollywood has glorified the act of losing lives because two people couldn’t be together. That isn’t love. That’s immaturity. Because it lacks the most basic ingredient of love – self-love. You just cannot love anyone unless you love yourself. What kind of a self-loving person would kill himself/herself?

My one of the most favorite love stories come from Game of Thrones. The story of Ser Jammie Lannister and Brienne of Tarth. One can feel the intensity on the screen. Both are bound by duty. Honor drives their basic values of life. Yet they feel these inexplicable emotions for each other. The emotions cannot find way of words. So they speak from the eyes. Their strong will to hold on to each other from making it apparent because life doesn’t allow it shows the strength of love. It has respect for each other’s position in life. They keep saving each other from the devils of life even though their inner devil says otherwise. That shows care for each other. There is acceptance for the fact that life has limited their options. This isn’t one dimensional feeling. When it comes to each other, they are selfless.

From Bollywood, one of my favorite loves stories is in the movie Ijajat. Yes, the mera kuch samaan tumhare paas pada hai, movie. The chemistry between Naseeruddin Shah’s and Anuradha Patel’s character is just amazing. Yet when they have to let go off each other, they don’t let go off the respect. They don’t let go off care. There is acceptance for presence and absence of each other in life. The song mera kuch saaman is good but build up to it is even better. And later in the movie when Naseeruddin’s Shah’s character meets Rekha’s husband at a train station, the pain of letting go is visible on his face. There is regret of letting something go and pain. But no obsession. No hyperbole. No nothing. Plain simple human emotions which anyone can feel.

Not everyone can go romance singing Tujhe dekha to ye jaana sanam, in Switzerland. No love story goes on in a utopian world with rosy pictures. They all are imperfect. They all are evolving. Romance plays a small part in them. It’s the other feelings which are equally if not more important. But then, other feelings are boring. They don’t sell. Romance, with colorful pictures and raunchy scenes, sells well. Hence, Bollywood has turned it into a product and been selling as love.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is whole problem with Bollywood love stories. They are far from real. They are one dimensional. They have given the false notion of this four letter word to entire generation.

Love you all.


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